If you loved my son, thank you. This morning I thanked our father for my son, but silently cursed his loss at the same time. Archer had just started developing into himself. Before he left us, he spent a night in his own bed. My boys have slept with me since they were born, and we don’t try to break the habit as much as we should. Society tells us our kids need to sleep in their own beds. Well, I’m here to tell you, we have the worst bedtime routine or lack thereof, and we are still ok. I am thankful Archer slept with me, especially now that those extra hours were spent together rather than separate. Archer had also started playing bigger kid games with his older sisters, Roblox and Minecraft. He started dressing himself, had independence in the bathroom (I was confident in his handwashing skills), was counting, writing his name, and so many other things. He was developing…
I’m pulling it together today to get ready for a garage sale and next semester, trying not to let my feelings get the best of me. I am constantly scared of living unholy or sinning because I don’t want to miss my chance in eternity with my son. That’s a lot of pressure. Like a statute, I feel empowered to make it home to my son when my time comes. With that, I pray to myself…
Lord, use me as your servant on this earth. Forgive me when I don’t think twice, and my actions overpower my thoughts. Allow me to speak your name to others and hold my spirit high so it won’t be tainted by dismay and disobedience. I want to secure my spot in heaven to see my son once again. I want to know my sins have been forgiven and that I am just a being on this earth, collecting tales for my lifelong book that will eventually end at your side. Use me to empower others to be the best of themselves and lead by example for their children born into whatever determinants this life will shed on them. Use me to lead my family in the name of the Lord. Let my children shower others with kindness and respect. Let their confidence radiate off them as they say your name and sing your glory. Let my husband transform his anger towards you into humbling thoughts of Archer playing in heaven. Use our family to help others find hope when their lives are shattered just like ours have been. Use me Lord. Please use me. Amen.
I said yes to the calling of writing this prayer above when I asked the Lord to help me get through the day. If you loved my son, say this prayer for yourself… you really have nothing to lose at this point.
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